The Funeral

  I stood over the deceased body of my beloved father. His skin was pale and cold. I reached down and felt the marble-like texture of his skin. He had asked to be buried next to my mother. Unfortunately, I had no money to afford a grave. Yeah, I'm that broke.
  So, because my father had always loved eating fish, crabs, and more seafood, I figured it would be a good idea to throw him in the ocean. The fish would eat his body and then all the fish spirits in heaven would be okay with him eating them.
  I can just imagine a huge horde of fish with  a bunch of sea urchins on sticks and pitchforks chasing my father around in an angry mob. Then when they finally catch him... yeah, I have no idea. I'm not a fish.
  But, I can also imagine my father cursing me out because he didn't want his body eaten by fish. Perhaps, he would have rather been eaten by worms? I'll ask him when I pass away.

The Squeaking Shoes

  "Squeak, squeak, squeak." The shrill sound of squeaking shoes filled the school hallways.
  I seethed. What is the matter with people's shoes?! It had been an extremely rainy morning and my brain felt like it had been torn into a million pieces by a phsyco cat, thrown up, cremated, and after that my brain ashes had been recycled into cat litter.
  "I don't get why it annoys you so much." my friend, Jessica, said her Nikes squeaking.
  "It's awful." I said miserably.
  "How ironic." she laughed.
  "Why?"
  "Your shoes are squeaking the most."
  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed crazily. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  So, I went insane and tried to stab everyone with my ipod. The doctors said that I wasn't allowed to go to school on rainy or snowy day. If you think about it I'm actually pretty lucky. I, on average, skip a third of the school year.  Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Space- Time Cloak

  The downfall of Man has occured. It all started when the scientists created the Space- Time cloak.  It erased time from everyone but the user. The idiot scientists didn't think it through though. They never really do.
  So, it's pretty simple what happened. I was sure the downfall of man would come with this device from the beginning. But, no. They never would listen to a twelve-year old. Those scientists like to think they're crazy smart.
  Anyway, what happened was that more people started to buy those cursed things. People used them all the time. No one's memory was complete. We couldn't learn from our mistakes because we couldn't remember them. It was everyone owned a reset button to the world. Whenever somebody did something wrong it was easy to fix it without trying. Criminal activity skyrocketed but no one knew. Stocks dropped but no was aware.
  In the end what really ended us was that people started to erase their enemies and in turn erasing most people. Soon, the beginning of the world was in the future. The whole human race ended up dead. So, now I'm in heaven having a great time telling everbody I told you so.

Random Fact

  "Now introducing our favorite host, Rebecca Davis!!!" a deep voice said.
  "Thank you! Let's meet our contestants." I said. "We have Mary Reed and Alfred Bonney here. Tell us a little about yourselves."
  "I am Mary Reed and I'm a reporter for Life Magazine. I love writing and I've come across a lot of strange facts. I'm here to WIN!!!" Mary Reed yelled.
  "I am Alfred Bonney. I'm a writer for Wikipedia. I'm going to win because my wallet is HUNGRY!!!" Alfred yelled.
  My contestants walked to their podiums.
  "Okay! Let's get started! Mary you go first. Are apple seeds toxic to humans?" I asked.
 "No?" she said.
 "Corrrect! Alfred, what kind of fork can be digested by the human stomach?"
 "None." he stated confidently.
 "Wrong!!!!" I yelled happily.
 Mr. Bonney looked ready to kill.
 "Mary, how are you?"
 "Good."
 "Wrong answer!" I smiled.
 "Wait! How was that a question?!" Mary shrieked.
 "Back talking the host, are you?" I asked with mock seriousness.
 "No!" she panicked.
 "Wrong answer!" I laughed.
 Ms. Reed looked positively purple with rage.
 "Are you an alien?" I asked.
 "No!"
 "Wrong answer!"
 "Do you like cherry pie?"
 "Yes."
 "Wrong answer! You know I'm tired of you, Mary. Guards!" I yelled.
 Two large men came and dragged her away.
 "Okay! Alfred, if you can answer this question you win. What color is your underwear?"
 " Ummmmm.........blue." he said.
 "Wrong answer!"
 "But they are blue!" he screamed.
 "No.... they are indigo." I calmly said.
 "WHAT?!" the audience yelled increduosly.
 "Yup! Guards!"
 The guards came back and took him away. He was using language in a bad way. Fortunately, he won the title for the most curses in a single sentence.
 "I guess I win!!!!! Yay!!!!!!" I clapped loudly."So join us next time! Maybe you'll be the next victim... er....contestant."

Electric Eyes

  Guess what?! I'm getting electric eyes! It's a miracle! Or at least I think so. See, I've been blind since I was fifteen. I had a really bad accident with a drunk creep and scissors. Let's not go into it any further.
  So I'm sitting in the doctor's office waiting for my new eyes. Of course first my blind eyes are going to be scooped out first. But it's just basic procedure. A lot of peple do it. So, don't worry about me.
  The doctor is calling me in. I sit down on the uncomfortable green chair. He sticks an IV into me and I feel myself fading... fading... fading.
  Can you believe it?! My electric eyes work perfectly! Not to mention the eyes I chose are beautiful and I can change the color whenever I want. It's pretty great! It's a whirl of endless colors that I haven't seen in ten years. I barely recognize my home anymore; it's changed a lot. But, still I can see! I can see! I CAN SEE!